Crazy Nan Handcock

Since I am on vacation this week, and my 87 year-old  grandmother needed a new area rug for her apartment.  I thought that it would be nice to take her out shopping and get her a rug as an early X-mas present.  At least then I knew that it would not be a gift that would be sold in her annual spring yard sale.  And it would be one less gift that I will have to go shopping for on Dec.23rd!   So we went out for breakfast and then to 4 different stores before she found one that she liked.  Then we returned a sweatshirt that she got for my dad for his birthday that probably would not have fit my oldest daughter.  Then we went shopping for a new sweatshirt.  Then we went out for lunch.  The day was starting to get long and I was starting to get thirsty for a high powered adult beverage!!   Just then my crazy Nan Handcock made the whole day all worth while with the quote or saying of the day.  As I was driving the mini van down Rt.30 she says,  out of the blue,  "The sons of bitches said they raised the price of Milk, eggs, and bread,  because of high gas prices.  Well the gas has gone down and the price of everything is still through the goddamn roof!!   Why is that?  Why?  I just dont get it,  this country aint like it used to be!!   Why??  I hope that there Obomber fixes this goddamn mess that were in!!

I just laughed out loud a little and laughed inside a lot!!  I did not know what to say, other than-  "You nailed the nail right on the head Nan,  They're all just a bunch of Sons of Bitches!!!"

Love, Eric grandsoncock

Another Bush Joke

The Vice President Cheney walked into the oval office to find the President whooping and Hollering.

Dick asked Bush what the hell is going on?

The president said, " I'm just happy boss, I done did finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!"

How long did it take you?

Well the box said 3-5 years,  but I did it in 1 month!!!

A stranger likes me?

Gooooooood  Girl commented on my cheesy joke post and said that she liked my blog.  I'm so flattered and was very surprised to see how hot she is.  I may have to try to have one of those there internet relationships with her.  I'm gonna tell her that if we set a meeting place and she shows up- she better be at least 18 years old and if not the 60 minutes or Dateline hidden cameras better not be there!!!

I just need to log onto her address for more info about her-  I think it said that she could be reached at www.fulltiltpoker.com?   Cool,  I wonder if I am the only guy she is interested in and what attracted her to me??

I will keep you all posted on how our relationship works out.   P.S- do not tell my wife!!!   I posted a picture of my new girlfriend at the top right off the page.   SSSHHHHH!!!!!!!

Eric Handjob

another cheesy joke

One day a little boy wrote to Santa and said, "all I want for Christmas is a little baby sister."

Santa wrote back to him and said, "no problem, send me your mommy!"

I have to take a whisper

One Sunday in church, this little boy said to his mom, "mommy I have to take a piss!"  His mom said, "son, please do not say piss in church, say whisper instead!"

The following Sunday, he told his dad that he had to take a whisper, and his dad told him to whisper in his ear.

Obama Jokes

To think that I was upset about Bush being done because I had fun with all the G.W.Bush jokes. About him being so stupid and all.  As stupid as he was, he was in office for 2 terms, and who put him there?  So I can not help but to think who is really stupid, especially when I hear some of the jokes about our new soon to be president.  I did not say I did not think that they were funny.  I just said that some of them are pretty stupid.

Attention all white people- report to the cotton field. (I think any white person with a cell phone got this text!)

How can 1 black guy run the country?  When 10 of them cannot run a Mcdonalds.

The new quarter- Washington is half black- I got this one on my phone and on the computer!

Hey Nigga!  Its called the white house!!   (that one is just plain nasty!)

One text I saw was just a picture of the white house, and in the front yard was a bucket of KFC and a broken watermelon.  The funniest part of it was that the theme music for the text was Sanford and Son.

How do you keep Obama out of your back yard?  Hang him in your front yard.

As I hear more jokes- I will post them.  Only if they are in very bad taste and stupid will I even waste my time.  To be fair to the Republican party- I'm sure there would've been a few good ones out there about the old man and his bitch V.P as well!!!

Love,  E.H.C

I just texted to say I Love You!

Several weeks ago I performed a small gesture that I thought would help keep our marriage fresh and let my wife know that I can be spontanious and mix things up a bit.  

I was bored at work, so I thought I would send her a text message on the ole cell phone.  It went something like this.

Hey Honey,  I'm bored right now at work and I do not have any magazines or a newspaper, so I was just thinking of you and thought that I would send you a text just to say that I love you!  You are a great mom and a good wife.  I'm lucky to have you as a soul mate.  I can not believe that we are coming up on a 10 year anniversary.  It seems like just yester.....   sorry gotta go!  Looks like there is no toilet paper in this stall!!  This sucks,  I wish you were here right now so that you could throw me a roll!!   C-ya  Luv E

November 4th- Take the Fucking Far Left Lane!

We have been traveling down the far right lane for the last 8 years!  It really is time for change! Anybody that seen even 3 minutes of any debate should know in there hearts who the right MAN is for the job.  I hope that when those levers are pulled tommorrow, that the American people look past the color of the skin, look past the parties, and look past the name.  Just because their daddies, grandpaps, and daddies grandpaps voted straight Republican, does not mean that they have too also.  My dad always said that Charlie Manson could run on the Republican ticket in Lancaster and he would win the county.  I felt very confident that George W. would not get back in for a second term,  I hope that he does not get a third term or I may never vote again and lose all faith in our wonderful nation!!!

Sorry that I have been M.I.A. from writing any posts lately.  The world series took up a lot of my time and energy.  Burned a few sick & personal days because of it.  It was well worth it, like I always say- work is overrated!  More importantly, like Chase Utley said in front of 40,000 at the parade- World Fucking Champs!!!!  I now have to go out and buy a Chase jersey!  He really is one of us-  by the way, he supports the young guy in the election tommorrow!

If you are tired of being in the red-  just Vote blue.

Politically incorrect,  E.Handcock