Free Bargain Counter

The Lancaster Newspaper now offers a free bargain counter for any items that are being sold for under $150. Keep your ad under 2 lines for the junk you are trying to unload and you are set! Here are a few items in this weeks paper that I thought were very odd, funny, and amusing.

Handicap portable toilet, like new. $7. (What a deal!)

1 case Monavie $95. We paid $140. (What the fuck is Monavie?)

Old chip cans. $5. each. (no thanks, I will buy new ones with chips in them for $10!)

Female Manequin on stand $100. (I want to call and ask if she is a virgin! - if so I will pay $150.)

5 silver dimes from 30's and 40's $9. obo. ( I will give you 50 cents for all of them!)

Crib Sheets with poo on them $10. (how much are they without the poop?)

I never had so much fun reading the bargain counter before. I have to laugh at the time and energy these assholes put into trying to get rid of their junk. I just put my stuff out along the road and within an hour somebody usually stops and snags it. You know what they say- One mans junk is another mans treasure! Especially if it is free!

Fred Sanford Hancock

Joke

What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?

Answer- Well Hung!

stupid is as stupid does

I do not trust anything that bleeds for 5 days!

God must really like stupid people- He made so many of them!

I would love to agree with you- but then we would both be wrong! (all-time fav.)

Work Update

I feel very guilty for the nickname that I gave our new boss. When Rob King was still there. I said that he was batman and Robin Rose was boy wonder.(get it?) She really has been pretty cool to work for and not as difficult as I thought she might be.

Things are still as fucked up as ever though. I am so excited that I have the next 16 days off. As I took 2 weeks vacation in a row. I already told my oldest daughter that she may want to stay away from daddy on July 25th(sunday night b4 I go back) as I may be a real prick! She said, "what is a prick?" Is that the same thing as a dick? I asked her nicely not to repeat any of that conversation to Mommy!! But yes, Dick, Prick, Cock, Penis, Shaft, and Pecker are all the same thing and when mommy calls daddy any of these it is all in good fun!

E.Peckerhead

Goldfish funeral and a little old fashion road rage!

It was brought to my attention that the easiest way to view that 40 second video that I thought was funny. Is just to go to Youtube and punch in goldfish funeral.

I would also like to say that I do not appreciate that stupid bitch that was tailgating me earlier today. I am sorry that I need to obey the speed limit since I am driving without a licence right now. I only drive when It is very necessary. Like going to work when I can not get a ride or running into John Herrs for some Hot dogs.

So on the way home from John Herrs today. I could not stop looking in the rear view mirror at this snapperhead that was trying to read the cereal number on my back bumper! It probably would not have been so bad if I would not have noticed her on the cell phone while she was changing the radio station and stuffing her fat face with a bagel or donut!! She is ever so lucky that I do not have a license or I would've slammed on the E-Brake just to watch her fat face smash into her windshield!!

I feel much better now that I got that off of my chest!!!!!

Road Rage Pecker