King of Pop

It was very sad that the day after Micheal Jackson died I got a text message from a buddy @8am that said they had done an autopsy on him and discovered that he had died from food poisoning. Turns out he ate some 9 year old nuts!

Mcdonalds also came out with a McJackson sandwhich- 50 year old meat between two 12 year old buns.

I guess I can handle the Jackson jokes as long as that there Charlies Angel does not get mixed up in any of them!!

Top Secret funny story

I'm am not sure who all still reads all these b.s posts that I write. So with that said, I should probably not even be writing this one. I just can not resist to sort of brag about what a lazy piece of shit husband I am. I did not say that I was not clever as well, but still lazy for sure. I would just appreciate it if this story does not get back to my better half. It may not be quite as funny to her as it is to the party that is reading this!

I hope that my lead paragraph does not hype this up to be bigger than it is- but if it does, oh well- TOUGH SHIT!!!! Like I said, I am proud of my clever lazy ways and that is all that matters.

The wife has been bugging me to change the oil in the John Deere riding mower since it is coming up on one year since it has been changed. I told her that it probably did not have enough hours on it to merit an oil change, she told me that it had plenty of hours on it and that it has to be changed once a year. Instead of fighting a battle that I knew I would not win, I comforted her by telling her that I have two filters left and that I would change it on Friday. I knew that she had plans Friday afternoon with the kids and that would give me the quiet and space that my not very mechanical ass would need to get the job done.

Friday rolls around and her and the kids take off for the day. I fire the mower up- check the oil, looks good- I put a splash of new oil in it, and run it up on the blocks- clean all the grass off the bottom of the deck around the blades. Then I run it outside and hose it down- clean off all the grass and dust and make it look brand new again. 20 minutes! Job Done! well not quite- I got some chain saw oil out and dumped it on the shop floor to make a nice little oil spot. The wife knows that I always make a mess with whatever I do- no matter how small the task!!! Now the job was complete!!

Wife gets home and sees the mower sitting there looking brand new, oil change and all!!! shes happy- I'm happy- sounds like a happy ending for me!!!!!!

The End

New You Tube Videos already

I just put a bud light porn magazine commercial from You Tube on the site. It is the top 2 commercials out of the strip of 4. Make sure you check it out as soon as you have an extra 2.2 minutes! I was going to post it on facebook and make my wife happy, but they would not take it because it was over 2 minutes long! I thank Mike Hoffer for sending it to me right away and thinking of me when the guy in the back of the line said, "when I'm done with one of those mags it looks like it has gone through a paper shredder!!"

I hated to take down great moments in presidental history because they are just so damn funny! But this commercial is pretty damn good! I also like when the husband that is sweeping says, "check under the counter, thats where we keep all the really sick shit."

Bad news bears

I just watched the Turner Classic- Bad news bears with my 6 year old daughter! It was a flick that I loved when I was a kid. I guess that in 1976 it was ok for the little kids to say stuff like- "we already have 2 spics, a niger, and a booger picking spaz on the team! Now a girl!!! ( I am glad that the wife did not walk in during that scene or we would not have watched the whole movie!).

Walter Matheauw played a great manager though. I could really relate to his role since I am coaching t-ball this year. I just do not walk around practice with a half a can of beer and a splash of whiskey.

4 star classic- Bad News Bears