Pre season Monday night football

Brett Favre and the Vikes are taking on Houston tonight on M.N.F.

Fuck him- I am going to watch the Yankees and the O's and just pray for the worse for him and his family. Made me so sick at his press conference when he said that his daughter told him that she just wanted him to win the superbowl! That was such and sweet and cute thing to say. All my kids ever say to me is- Can we change the channel? Can you get us a snack and juice? Can I have some money? Why do you stink so bad? Are you pregnant? We want ice cream!!!! Were you rolling around in the dogs poop?

Kids say the darnest things! But I still love them! Especially when I tuck them in at night and they say their prayers. I bet Favre does not tuck his daughter in to often because he is just so damn busy always coming out of retirement!!!

Love, Daddy Handcock

Another Joke

A husband and wife were watching a television show on psychology. The man turned to his wife and said, "Bet you can not tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

Without a pause, the wife says, "you have a bigger dick than all your friends."

Movie Trivia/Joke

I just heard a joke that was from a movie that is about 20 years old.

I guy is going down on his girlfriend and he asks, "why is your pussy so big?" "why is your pussy so big?"

she says- "why did you ask me that twice?"

he says- "I did'nt."

Late Show with Conan

Do not get to watch that much of the late show with Conan because of stupid work hours! But last night I battled to stay awake after the Phils game and was rather pleased with the comedy duet of Conan and Andy. Those two are so much funnier than Jay and the black guy from the band! Johnny of course will always be king, but even his drunk sidekick was not really that funny.

Last night Conan nailed a joke about a Denver company that came up with a beef jerky that has caffeine in it. They call it perky jerky. That is not the original name they came up with though. At first they called it the morning beef stick. But they decided that perky jerky would be more appropriate.

Now the joke was funny. What was even funnier was the facial expressions of Andy Richter as the punchline was delivered. Then the camrea flashed back to Conan and he made a goofy gay face and then back to Andy who was making his own goofy gay face. The host would go on to beat a dead horse and say morning beef stick several times as they would not comment but just make funny faces as the original jerky title was announced! It was very funny and I hope that others enjoyed it as much as I did.

When I told my wife about this little bit. She says, "you know what, I could go for some of your jerky." Unfortunatly she meant real beef jerky that I make in the smoker. Not my morning beef stick!! Damn it! guess I better go check the cupboards and see if I have any soy sauce and liquid dry smoke.

Later,

Look its a plane or is it a bird?

Everytime a baseball player gets a big hit or scores a meaningful run they kiss their index finger and middle finger and point up into the sky. When a Football players throws a touchdown or runs one into the end zone or even gets a sack on the QB, they do the same thing. I think that it is great that they are showing thanks and are aware that there is a higher being that gave them lots of natural talent to make lots of money! Maybe some of them just do it though because they see everybody else doing it? Some of the athletes, as gifted as they are, aint always the smartest people in the stadium or ballpark.

I guess I am just wondering, as I often do. That when football players throw an interception or fumble the ball or even get a stupid penality called on them. And baseball players strike out or hit into a double play or make an error in the field. Why dont they kiss the same two fingers and point towards the ground? If you are going to acknowledge the man up above, why not give satan some credit as well?

????????

Fantasy Mania

It is that time of the year that all of us fantasy sports geeks just love. It is the end of baseball season and the beginning of football. If you are lucky, you are getting one or some of your baseball teams ready for the playoffs as you prepare for your pigskin drafts. I am the sole owner of 4 baseball teams and help a friend run another team that should win his championship no problem. I love half of my teams- the other half I hate. You can figure out which ones are going to the playoffs and which one is not!

I will prob. get involved with the same amount of football teams as I did baseball. Football is a little easier as you have all week to get ready for Sunday and Monday night. September can be a little crazy as you keep track of both sports, but it is a freaking blast!

Some interesting/funny league/team names that I have noticed in different leagues throughout our nation on espn & CBS.

- Who let the Vicks out-

- prom night dumpster babies-

-12 angry drunk men-

-2 minute drill- (with your mom)- (one of my favorites!)

-punt me, kick me, love me-

-catfish hunters- (?????)

We still hold the record for the longest title for our knock out pool- "Hey Joe, where you goin with that gun in your hand? Gone to shoot my old lady, heard she was messin around and took Detroit over Pittsburgh in the suicide pool!"

Go Peckerheads and A-hole Erics and Fat, Drunk, and Stupid! May you all have enough luck to bring home the trophy!!

King Fantasy Geek,

Busy as a beaver!

People are always saying how busy they are. I'm always wondering if they are bragging or complaining? I know that I am usually not very busy. Unless my wife tells me otherwise, I would just as soon sit around in the A.C and watch baseball or a movie or even the Wheel of Fortune rather than actually doing something! Sometimes I multi task and play Uno or go fish with the kids while watching the idiot box. The Old Lady tries to limit the kids to an hour or two of TV a day. They are starting to ask why daddy can watch it for 8 hours? I told them that I only watch 5 hours of TV and that the other 3 hours are spent on the computer! Sometimes when I am on the computer I go to facebook to spend time with my 89 friends. I do not even know who some of my friends on facebook are? But when I get invited to be friends with them- I do not want to be rude, so I just accept and move on like I know them.

Sometimes people will post that they are eating a turkey sandwhich for lunch, or that they are getting ready to leave for work. They might let you know that they just got a diamond piece of jewlery or a big screen tv. My friends really enjoy telling people when they have a day off work or when they are going on a vacation. I do not understand why people write such personal stuff on there? First off, I usually do not care what they are having for lunch and I do not think it is a good idea to tell everybody when you will be away on vacation for a week. Thats like saying

"come and steal my big screen tv and my wifes jewlery box, we will be leaving early Saturday morning and will be gone all week."

Gotta go pour a glass of wine and read the paper as my wife makes us an italian dinner. My parents have the kids at dutch wonderland and they prob. wont be home until 7pm. Maybe I can get lucky as the noodles boil, if I do not spend too much time on the computer. Sounds like a plan!

Peace,

Are you ready for some football?

I just set up the pick em pool and the survivor pool. If you did not get an invite for the "Goofy Goober Sunday pick em pool" or the "Hey Joe where you going with that gun in your hand, I'm going to shoot my old lady heard she's been messin around and picked Detroit over Pittsburgh in the suicide pool!" (longest football pool name ever!) Just get me your email address and let me know and I will get my lazy ass on the computer and send you an invite. Like an Orgy- the more the merrier! Or so I heard? Tommy and Andy Usually tell the truth.