Knee Pads

I am on vacation this week. So every day it seems like my wife has a favor or a little job for me to do. I guess it is sort of her way to keep me busy so that I stay out of trouble? Good luck with that.

Todays task was to clean the kitchen floor. I got instructions on exactly how it was to be done. To be honest with you, the instructions almost lasted longer than it took me to do the job! I am to be sure to sweep the floor with a broom first. And then pick up the swept up dirt with the dustpan.(No Shit!) Then fill the bucket up with warm water and the liquid soap that is sitting out and then use the sponge and get down on your hands and knees and be sure to get under the one counter and over by the stove where it is real dirty. Last time you used a mop and the floor did not get very clean! Work your way from the door to the dining room so that you do not have to back track over the wet floor.(at this point I am sure that my wife thinks she married a Retard!)

So as soon as she left I got on my hands and knees and did everything I was suppose to. Except I swept the dirt down the steps and I dried the floor with her bathroom towel and then hung it back up in the bathroom when I was done. Even though I was not on my knees for too long as I did a fast half assed job of it. My knees were starting to bother me a bit. For Christmas I think I am going to get Venda some knee pads. I will be sure to make a rude comment when I see her using them as she is doing the kitchen floor. Something like, Hey while you got those knee pads out, we might as well put them to good use. If she shoots down that smooth line, then I will ask her if she wants me to help out by drying the floor just like I did last time I cleaned it?

Mr Clean E.H

Slow down and smell the coffee!

Our message in Church last week was a good one. The pastor gave us some advice that I have already listened to and followed faithfully for some time now. Slow down and do not be in such a hurry to do everything. Do not overload your schedule and make your life more hectic than it needs to be!

How often do you ask somebody how they are doing or what they have been up to lately? What is the common most often response that you get? Oh we are so busy right now. We just got back from vacation and the kids are in several sports, cub scouts, dance, plays. Husband or wife are working a ridiculous amount of hours at their job. All kinds of projects going on around the house. Helping a sick friend, neighbor, or family member. Just not enough time in a day!! We are getting ready to get even more busy in the upcoming season.

You all have heard some of these examples before I am sure. What I am going to do from now on when somebody asks me what I have been up to or hows it going. I will be completely honest and answer something like this- Damn it, I can not remember the last time I put 40 hours in. I am either sleeping in and getting to work late or I leave early every Friday to get the weekend started early. I was just on vacation the other week and did not do Jack Squat. We went to Ruby Tuesdays for dinner one night and that was as far away from my couch and TV that I got all week. I do not do anything around the house except watch sports, movies, or get on the internet. I do tend to sleep 10-12 hours when the kids let me. If you do not believe me, just ask my wife and she will confirm it. My one daughter has a 1/2 hour piano lesson once a week and the other plays T-Ball in the spring but that is about all they do other than watch TV, Movies, play video games, or get on the computer.

Sometimes you really do need to slow down and smell the flowers, coffee, or cow manure if your in our backyard when they are spreading the fields.

I may have stretched the truth a little bit when telling this story, but I am being very honest when I say that some of my favorite moments in life is when their is nothing planned what so ever and my wife and kids say- we are bored, what are we going to do? I usually respond- lets just enjoy each others company, sit for a while and we can talk or play a game of checkers? Oh yeah-and go get daddy another beer.

E.H

The sky is falling, the sky is falling

A few weeks ago we had this huge party/pig roast. It was a great time and we got a few good stories out of it as well. It was funny when somebody told me that it looked like a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting was just put in the jiffy john with a stick of dynamite in it. We had a bloody nose or two in the big moon bounce. Me and my brother-in-law were running around with the pig tongue in our mouth. Oh no- that is almost like we were kissing the same pig!!

But I think that the funniest story of all was when Travis Hosstetter asked me at work if I had a good lawyer. He said that he got a severe head injury when a piece of candy hit him on the head. Turns out that the candy cannon/potato gun that my brother was shooting candy out of for the kids was a nice little weapon. Travis showed me the mark on his bald head and it looked like a cartoon knot almost. Luckily his kid did not get hit. He had the 6 month old on his back on one of those kiddy back packs toting the kid around the party. Like I usually do I tried to joke around about it with him and told him that it was probably a dum dum lollipop? He says all serious like- No it was a blow pop I am pretty sure.

Its not a real party without Beer, Band, Cops, and a hillbilly candy scramble!!!!

E.H