Old Yeller

Here of late, the ole lady does'nt seem to be yelling at me like she has in the past. Being a good boy sure pays off. The kids however, still get the loud rural treatment. I sort of can relate, when you talk to them in a normal voice, they just do not seem to hear you. If you say, "please clean up your mess or I will turn the TV off." Does not work as well as turning the TV off and yelling, "CLEAN UP THAT DAMN MESS RIGHT NOW YOU LITTLE PIP SQUEAKS!!!"

One of my favorite lines of my wifes is- Do not make me angry kids! You would not like me when I get angry! I always ask her, "who do you think you are- the Incredible Hulk?" The vision I always get is her shirt bursting open as she turns green with her hands and arms flung above her head, as she crashes out the back door and runs through the field. That would be cool.
Especially the last part.(they just spread manure.)

So the other night when I was tucking the girls in bed. In the backround we heard, "WHY AM I STEPPING ON TOYS? WHO LEFT A TURD IN THE TOILET? AND WHY IS MY CELL PHONE IN THE SINK?"
As I was trying to get the kids in relax mode, I explained that mommy yells a lot because she loves them. My 6 year old said, "she must really love us a lot."
I replied, "she does, just remember that daddy loves you the most, good night."
I just hope that I was not the one that forgot to flush!

TALK TO YOU ALL LATER- NOW SHUT UP AND GO DO THE DISHES!!!

The original happy meal

I hope that picture is a little more pleasant to you all. I know it makes me hungry for some milk and cookies. Maybe some milk and cake or milk and a candy bar. Maybe just a big bowl of cereal or just a big bowl.

Bathroom Break

Yesterday I witnessed a co-worker punching out at the end of the day and then going to the restroom. I got very upset when I saw that sort of foul behavior! How can you not wait 15 minutes until you get home? I hate using the bathroom at work, and when I do use it, I figure I'm going to be getting paid to give some of the same back to the company that they have been giving me for the last 20 years!

Maybe some peoples bathrooms at home are more dirty than the ones at work. No offense to Curt O. who does a good job cleaning up after a couple hundred hogs each day, but I feel sorry for anybody who enjoys using the work crapper because it is cleaner than their own.

Not to name any names or anything- but we all enjoy a good Joe Spice crap story every now and then. The one about the day he ate one of my wifes bran muffins and almost shit himself running up the steps, had Dr.Pepper coming out of my nose! But even Joe puts toilet paper down on the seat if he has enough time to do so.

I do not really know where I'm going with this shitty blog- I guess what I am trying to say as a teamster is- Punch in and use the work toilet- for some of us, it may be the best production the company gets out of us all day. Punch out and use your crapper at home for goodness sakes!!! And one more thing- Do not shit on the bathroom floor- it is not that funny!!

Lots of smelly love,

Hooters

Hoot er- (noun) a person or animal that hoots, an owl in this sense. Syn.- Boobs, tits, breasts, melons, tomatoes, bazookas, big mamas, feet shade, back breakers, ernie and bert, chest, boobies, silver dollars, A-bombs, b-bombs, c-bombs, d-bombs, 3d-bombs, milkers, headlights, yum-yums, bosoms and bust.

Laura told me that it would be cool to do a blog about hooters every now and then. So there you have it. I did not feel like doing a restaurant review, so I just copied the definition straight from Websters the deluxe second college edition.

For some reason I feel like giving my wife a nice big tight hug right about now. Then she might feel one of my body parts. That body part definition will come another day. Maybe it will not come at all, or maybe it will in 45 seconds.

Love always,

Fast Food/Cheap Bastards

Earlier today we hit the drive thru at the ole BK. That is Burger King to the average Joe. I love the BK bacon double cheeseburger of course. The Fries are not as good as Mickey D's, but they are not bad. Service is better(faster) than that red headed bitches restaurant. The problem I have is that I put an order in for 2 bacon double burgers and two large orders of fries. When I recieved my order I had to put a special request in for ketchup. The retard working at the window gave me one ketchup, and asked if that will be all. I said, "give me 5 more of those bad boys- It will not come out of your paycheck for christs sake!! If the food doesnt kill me, the fact that I get fired up over something as little as getting ripped off in the ketchup department will .

I heard a statistic before that 1 out of every 3 Americans will have worked at a Mcdonalds in their lifetime. Not to say that I know a lot of people. But I took a survey and asked many people if they ever worked for Ronald Mcdonald before. I came up with 3 yes votes and like 60 no votes. That is like 1 out of 20. Maybe I just asked the wrong people??

Gotta run- that BK Burger is kicking in! I feel a super size order coming on. If I had one of those portable computers that you put on your lap, I would probably add to this blog. But I do not, so I will just have to grab a magazine and be happy with that.

Adios Amigos,

Hollywood Henderson quote

All of us older football fans remember when the famous Cowboy asshole Hollywood Henderson said that the Steeler QB was so stupid that he could not spell cat, even if you spotted him the c and the t.
I just caught an espn interview highlight where it looks like he is in some sort of penitentiary, and he says, "I do not do a damn thing all day, and I start right after lunch."
Could not help but to think, good for him! Once an asshole, always an asshole. I hope he doesnt do a damn thing the rest of his life.

Love always,