Peace

All I WANT IS PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST!!!!!!

& a blow job.

Awesome T-Shirt

If anybody sees this shirt anywhere, Let me know. I checked T-shirt hell.com and they do not have it?

Barrack Obama Loves our Country.

Like O.J Loved Nicole!

A Prayer

Dear Lord,

Recently you took Micheal Jackson, one of our favorite singers.

We saw one of your finest creations, who was a favorite, Farrah Fawcett pass away.

And one of my favorite baseball players- Hank Greenburg also just died.

P.S- Dick Cheynee was my favorite Vice President!

Amen,

Do not be a quitter!

You may have a drinking problem if you quit drinking 299 times because of different kinds of trouble that you have gotten into! And you jumped back on the wagon 300 times!!

I remember saying, yeah I have not had a drink in 3 days, 6 hours and 22 minutes!

One Bourbon, One Scotch, and one Beer

You might be a drunk if you say you hate tomato juice- buy you love Bloody Marys!

You may be shit faced if when you go to take a piss, you lose your balance and on the way down to the bathroom floor you pull the shower curtain down and you are a female that does this!!

If you ever have watered the house plants or Christmas tree with urine. Or a laundry basket or hamper full of wash got an early rinse cycle as well!! You may be a little drunk.

If you try to get the taste of vomit out of your mouth by using peppermint schnapps. You are surely a drunk!!

If you have ever thought or said that 30 packs of beer or stupid- They should be 50 packs, 30 is just a tease! Guess what- full fledged drunkard you are!!

You cant drink an energy drink unless you mix booze with it- Then you are a wired out crazy drunk no doubt!!

When you wake up next to a girl in the morning and your not sure you remember her name or if it is even a girl laying next to you? Then you may want to make a call and get to an A.A meeting pronto!!

Have you ever bragged about drinking a half gallon of booze in an evening and you did not get sick or have the slightest hangover the next day. Sorry that your liver is not laughing with your drunk ass!

If you think a great breakfast is a piece of toast with some coffee. And when I say coffee, I mean a baileys and Kaluah with a splash of coffee in it! Then you may be a drunk.

This is my first edition of my A.A Jeff Foxworthy type material. I am sure I will come up with some more as I give it a little bit of thought. These examples up above just came to me off the top of my bald head. Some of them come from experience of course and some of them were made up or experiences that I sort of witnessed from friends and family. And when I say witnessed- I mean things that have happened as I was passed out on the floor!!

Happy St. Pats Day to all!

Letter to the editor:

Bye Bye Middle Class America

Our society would be a much better place to live in if we could just rid ourselves of all Labor Unions! They are so bad for our economy. They are helping the middle class think that they have a chance to thrive in our poor economy and it is sad to mislead them like that.

The Union Employee always wants a contract with silly benefits like vacation and holiday pay, health insurance, a fair days pay, and a pension on top of everything else!!

Because of the greedy unions, the non-union companies must offer a decent rate of pay and some benefits to their workers to keep the threat of a union out of their place of employment. Just in case that is not enough, they will be sure to let the workers know that the union is rotten and if anybody dare mentions one of them, it will cost them their job!!

The Managers and C.E.O.s work very hard and the positions high up in a company involve a lot of stress. The Unions and Middle Class America should not be running their business! The worker is not the one that has to worry about paying for the Summer Mansion in Cape Cod, or the August trip to Paris, or the Ivy League Colleges for the kids!! If they could just bust those darn Unions and then the power would be all theirs. Then we could do away with the unions and the workers would be much easier to deal with as they would not have the security that they have grown so use to. Anybody with many years of service would be offered a nice pay cut or they can sign a release form and go somewhere else! (unless you are planning on going to Harvard, France, or The Cape!)

I am sorry if my sarcasm is beginning to show as I am a third generation Teamster and proud of it! I am proud that each month I pay union dues so that I can take care of my family and live a comfortable life. We do not light cigars with hundred dollar bills. However, because of my union job, my wife can stay at home and be a domestic engineer and install good family values into our children. We have great health insurance to help with any medical expenses that may be on the horizon. After 23 years on the job, I get a good bit of much needed vacation time so that I can enjoy my family and give my body a break from the abuse that it takes from the job. Not a day goes by that I am not grateful to be a union worker! I only wish that I did not have to hear so much trash talk about the Unions. I understand that most times it is coming from somebody that never walked a day in union boots.

F.U N.F.L and Roger Goodell

I just got a mass email from the Commish and the NFL telling me how committed they are to the collective bargaining process. (Yeah, just like the governor of Wisconsin is!!)

We all know which side Roger Goodell is on! Who is lining his pockets! I replied to the email- it was a real simple response- F.U Roger!!!!!

Love never, E.H

The fine tuned "V" Engine

The best engine in the world is the Vagina.

It can be started with one finger.

It is self-lubricating.

It takes any size piston.

And it changes its own oil every four weeks.

It is only a pity that the management system is so fucking tempermental!

Amos King and Brothers

Just watched the paid advertisement for those Amish made electrical heaters- "The Heat Surge".

Looks like a fireplace and you plug it in and it runs for about near 9 cents an hour and can heat an entire floor or at least 1-2 rooms! What a fucking joke! Everything from the fact that the Amish guy talking about this product was wearing blue jeans and also the fact that the Amish do not believe in having electric themselves! These here Amish that handcraft each heater individually are from Ohio. Maybe those retarded inbreds are different from the Lancaster County Amish? I am not sure but the 30 minute advertisement was very amusing to me. This one Amish chick in the background was wiping the top of the one unit with a white cloth the whole time. Then when they shipped them out of the barn they showed them being taken out one at a time on the back of a flat bed buggy! What a fucking joke! (did i already say that?) What was really clever was when they kept saying that because of the great demand for this heater, each household is only allowed to order two of these wonderfully hand crafted heaters. I am pretty sure at $300. a pop that if you put an order in for 3 of them that they would find an extra one lying around in the back of the barn for you!!

It probably does not help me from getting fired up when the next day after viewing all the heat surge nonsense, I read in the paper about the Amish shipping their raw milk up to New York and selling it for $6.00 a gallon to a bunch of yuppies right outside of the City. Even though the retarded dutch know that it is illegal to take it across the state line. I guess the old mighty dollar means more to them than what is morally and legally right!! When your Cult is protected by the State of PA you need not really lose to much sleep about whatever bullshit you might participate in!!

Not to long ago we had an Amish guy and his son molest every daughter and sister in the house. Their punishment was that they had to move out of the house and they were put on probation for several years. What the Fuck!! Anybody else would've got 12-20 years in a state prison and rightfully so!!

I am sick and tired of their young children being neglected and killed in farming accidents also! They always say the it is an act of God. Oh well it was meant to be. Fuck you Jacob King and Amos and Elmer and all you Cult bastards! Why doesn't anybody speak out about these fuckers? Maybe I will send this rant to the Lancaster New Era editorial and see if they print it for me?

I feel much better now- On the plus side- the stinky bastards do save our farm land from being developed into shopping complexes and smurf villages! So I guess maybe we can overlook some of the raping and killing of family members, and the horse shit on the roads and the crappy heaters that they sell!!

Love, E.Peckerhead

Funny Co Workers

Today at work the one guy yelled at one of the women- "Hey you think your so fucking special" and she yelled back to him- "No! You do! And he yelled don't boss me around you are nobody! And she yelled back to him- don't you boss me around! And it was a heated battle and I had a front row seat for it. It was so funny, especially since the fellow is in his early thirties and the Lady is in her late 40's! They sounded like my kids fighting except they used some foul language. My coworkers not my kids!!

Last week somebody asked Simone a question and he yelled over, "what do I look stupid?" Without hesitation I asked him, "Is that a trick question?" I love it when I laugh at my own smart ass remarks!