A very mean joke!

I can not believe that I am even copying this one from my joke site. But for all of you wife haters out there(Not Me!) Here it goes......

A Woman is like a deck of cards-

You need a heart to love one

A diamond to marry one

A club to smash ones head in

And a spade to bury the bitch.

Pick up lines

I just read about 50 pick up lines that you can use on the whores out at the bar. I however do not go to the bars and I do not try to pick women up anymore since I am usually happily married. But if I were to use any of the lines that I just looked over...... I think my favorite was this one-

I would like to passionately kiss your lips, and work my way up to your belly-button.

That one is gold!! Maybe I just liked it because it was one of the few that I have not already heard?

Is that a mirror in your pants? I can see myself in them.

If you were a car door I would be slamming you all night.

Why don't you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up.

If you were a keg, I would tap your ass.

I'm new in town and lost, can I have directions to your house?

All classics, but I think most of your trashy women have heard them all. Sometimes I think you are better off by being honest and just buying the girl a drink or two- tell her that you are trying to get her buzzed so that she might lower her standards and hook up with you.

My other favorite line was- Nice shirt, Wanna Fuck? (I will use this line on my wife next time she wears that blue trash smurf tank top!)

E.H

Joke

What will Bill Clinton always be remembered for?

He was always after Bush.

My 10 year old nephew told the family(grandmothers included!) that joke last night at my daughters birthday party. Not everybody got it, but I thought it was hilarious!!!

Macgruber

If you got to see Charles Barkley on SNL last week, then you know that the funniest skits were the Macgruber ones. If you like Macgruber, you may be happy to know that the Movie Macgruber comes out April 13th. It looks pretty freakin funny.

I just put the trailer on the video section of this blog. I hated to take down the dildo song(hopefully everybody had a chance to see that one) My favorite line in the preview is about the upper decker in the master bathroom.

Punky Brewster.

Later, GO COLTS!!!!!!!!

Check her out and let me know what you think?

Check out the hot young girl pictured right below the Spongebob pic.

Let me know if she looks familiar?

Clue #1- She had her own tv show when she was a kid. It was not a huge hit even though I think that Tommy has both seasons on DVD!

She has got big balls or..........

I like to glance through the police/fire log in the local newspaper every now and then to see if any of my friends or relatives got themselves in any trouble. As we get older and more mature, I do not hit the jackpot as much as I did years ago. Probably because most of us just stay at home and we party with our immediate family if at all? At least that is what I do so that I am not reading about myself!

I did however read a funny one this morning that I will share with you.

Manheim Twp.: A sixth-grade girl at Neff Elementary School was charged before juvenile authorities with stealing her principal's $199 iPhone while in his office for another matter on Dec 15. The phone was later found at her home.

Now I have to admit that I was not an angel in School. I was in the principal's office quite a few times as a kid. Most of my trips occurred when I hit high school. It was usually a lot of, "now you better staighten out Mr.!! I am tired of seeing you and if you do not straighten out- there will be serious consequences to pay!

Regardless of why I was trouble, I was always a little nervous. Maybe I was afraid that my parents would find out? Or that my preppy girlfriend might break up with me?(she was a slut anyway!) Maybe that I was going to get a Red mark on my record and not be able to get a good job?(I showed Penn Manor!!)

Either way I never thought about stealing anything from the office when I was there! That girl must have big balls or she is mentally retarded if she did not think she was going to get caught. I just wander which it is? Is she the most popular crazy kid in school? Or is she Half Amish- Half Polish? Is her Grandpap and Dad the same person?

Food for Thought- E.H

Movie quote or sports quote?

"I'm here to kick ass & chew bubble gum, and I'm all out of bubble gum."

I can not remember where I heard this line from? Anybody knows- help me out.

Thanks, E.H