Say What?

My mom use to always say, "You think I'm a monkeys uncle?" I would always reply like a smart ass and say, "dont you mean aunt?" Then she would say, "You want me to lick your ass?" I would think to myself how gross that sounded, my mom licking my ass, but I would'nt respond out loud because I knew what she meant. Usually the pain was not worth it just for a good one liner.

Another saying I always liked was- that kid is full of piss & vinegar. I guess that is better than being full of shit.

The only good loser is a loser. And second place is the first loser. They are lines that have a special meaning to me. I am very competitive and hate losing! My six year old beat me at checkers a few months ago. I have not played since. She beat me fair and square. Some parents let their kids win at games. I wish that was the case with me that night she whooped me, but it was'nt! When they do win- it is very special to them.

I have some more sayings that I tweeked a bit.

1. Late bird gets a piece of shit that tastes like worm

2. Earlier my wife was in a bad mood, must be her time of the day

3. I got a lot of work done at the dentist, my teeth hurt so bad that I had to piss.

4. Sticks & Stones- You stupid inconsiderate asshole!!

5. If dog is mans best friend, why does he shit on his front yard right next to the sidewalk?

6. Make love whenever we are at war.

7. I cant believe its not butter- I can! It tastes like melted fucking plastic!!!!

8. You got a friend in Pennsylvania- Fuck PA, I got enough friends!!


If anybody can think of any that I forgot- feel free to post them

Smell Ya Later,